HOW TO COURT A FILIPINO


(Through Pen writing)

INTRODUCTION

The information contained in this article is based upon personal first hand experience, the experience of others, as well as various articles studied on the subject. The advice given is general in nature, and does not necessarily apply to every situation. However, the Filipino culture is quite strong, particularly in the provinces, and has affected most people to one degree or another. So with this in mind, I hope the contents will be helpful as you go about courting a Filipino lady through Pen writing.

The main thing to remember in regards to dating and courtship is that the culture is generally more conservative than for example Australia. . Approximately 90% of Filipinos are Catholics because of Spanish occupation in 1565. As a result of this conservative approach a lot of single ladies are still virgins. The reason for this is because until they are virtually engaged there is usually no romance in there relationship. Even if they have what they call a boyfriend it does not usually mean a romantic relationship, but just a good friend they see often.

By the way, just because they are more conservative in their attitude does not mean they are not fun. In fact, they are generally a fun loving people. What it often does mean is they make a good loyal wife.

AGE

Not so much of an issue as they are generally impressed by the lifestyle you live and have to offer. Remember, to them you are like some kind of pop star or famous person. They look up to you as someone to be desired, and often become quite infatuated. This creates the opportunity for romance and affection, which helps further bind the relationship. Provided you are a loving caring person with a good understanding of woman and the Filipino culture, and that you have chosen a good-natured lady, the marriage has an excellent chance of success. When considering a marriage partner Filipino ladies often prefer someone who is older because he is more likely to be 1) mature 2) financially secure 3) loving and understanding 4) responsible. As compared to a younger man who may not be so responsible and able can‘t handle a marriage situation. With this in mind I recommend that a man educate himself in regard to the marriage relationship. There are many books available that a based on hundreds of cases of actual experience that can provide good guidelines. I have done this myself and can honestly say that I didn’t know how ignorant we men can be until I read a few books. One such book I found helpful is ‘Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus ’. We can either do this or learn the hard way, the choice is ours. Remember marriage is a bit life embarking on a new career. You need to be educated first, so that you will know what to do when different circumstances arise.

THE INITIAL LETTER

I have found through my own courtship experience, as well as the experience of many others who have married through my club, that often the best way to court is by open communication. The first thing you do is to write an initial letter introducing yourself. Not just any old scrappy, thoughtless letter or you may find it goes straight in the bin. Rather than doing this, I suggest you write this letter with a basic understanding of what a woman is looking for when considering a marriage partner. You need to write details about yourself and life so she has information to begin start her decision making process. The most important thing is to be honest in what you write or it may eventually backfire somewhere down the track. I suggest that in one of your letters you make it clear the reason you are writing; by telling her that you are interested in finding a wife in the Philippines. This will help to insure that they are on the same wavelength and that you are both writing with the same subject in mind; not just writing because they like pen friends, with no intension of possible marriage. This approach may help you gage if they are ready for marriage and thus save you a lot of time and expense. For example, if the girl is involved with studies they will often put this ahead of marriage, and it probably wouldn’t really matter if you looked like Elvis Presley.

Some ladies maybe working and supporting their families, and would need to make sure there families still have support before they could consider marriage.

I repeat, your best chance is to find the lady who is ready. After writing for, I suggest a minimum of four months, the next step is to go for a visit. It’s probably a good idea to include a photo of yourself in the first letter. It’s not a matter of how good looking you are, but making sure you appear neat clean and smiling. Please avoid looking like a criminal, because they are very afraid that you may turn out to be what they call a sadist. This fear is because of bad publicity in Filipino newspapers.

APPEARANCE

Beards: generally men in the Philippines are unable to grow beards which means that the ladies are not used to them.Unfortunatley they also tend to associate beards with a saddist, particularly if they are not neat and well groomed. If you don’t get a reply, it may be because of your beard(once again this is general advice).

Long hair, rings in ears, noses: once again not so common and usually associated with drug addicts. Long, ungroomed hair is generally considered ragged.

If you want to make a good impression, short, well groomed hair, and as I’ve said neat clean and smiling appearance is the preferred option. They may not be impressed with what they generally consider to be ragged appearance. It’s important to bear these things in mind before you send a photo, or you may not get a response.

Tattoos: don’t include them in your photos if you know that you are a loving person as it could give the wrong impression (Let them get to know you first).In the Philippines criminals are tattooed as a sign that they have spent time in jail. By now I hope you can see the importance about understanding and educating yourself about the Filipino culture before embarking on this new adventure. Failure to do so could result in a Grandiose Flop!

YOUR TRIP

When you finally visit the Philippines the lady will usually come to meet you with friends or relatives. In fact, you will probably find that most of your dating will be in mixed company with little physical contact or romance until they have virtually decided that you are the one they want to marry. However, sometimes they have practically already decided during the course of pen writing, depending upon what information you have written about yourself. In this case you will find the courtship more natural, easier and quicker, because it will be obvious by their body language that they want to be close to you. However, if they have not as yet made their decision you need to spend time dating and taking them out to allow them time to know you more. In this case, I advise that you do not force any physical contact or romance, but just concentrate on taking them out and giving them a good time along with their friend. This will give them a chance to see whether they think you are a good person by comparing what you said about yourself in letters. Generally Filipino ladies have a more mature approach when deciding on a marriage partner, and take into consideration things such as security, character, and whether they perceive you to be a caring, loving person. I also recommend that if possible you stay in reasonable accommodation with perhaps TV and restaurant, so you are in more of a position to entertain and make there time with you more enjoyable, memorable and special. Apart from this, just ask them what they would like to do and they will usually have plenty of suggestions like, beach, picnic, movies, shopping etc. By the way, if you invite them and their friends on an outing, you are expected to be the one who pays. This is Filipino culture.

OPEN COMMUNICATION

If after having spent sufficient time getting to know them, you are still unsure whereyou stand in regards to the relationship. There may be several reasons, which are as follows, 1) Not interested 2) Not ready for marriage 3) Waiting for you to express your interest before they allow themselves to make their decision or indicate there own feelings. Often a Filipino lady believes that it is not her place to take the lead in the relationship and waits for the man to express how he feels about her first. With this in mind I recommend that you start to communicate how you feel about them, and ask them whether they would be interested in getting to know more with the possibility of the relationship leading to marriage, or whether they just interested in being a friend only. You should be confident when you do this, even if the answer is no, because they will often complimented by your interest. Also if your attitude has been to give them an enjoyable time they will value your friendship. However, I have found in many cases that after you have communicated your intensions, the relationship starts to deepen as they think moreseriously about the situation. If you don’t communicate at some stage, either while you are in the Philippines or by letter when you get back home, you may be left with thenagging doubt – I wonder if she may have been interested?

DATING ETEQUETTE

Who Pays 
The man is always expected to pay even if the outing is at the ladies invitation.

Curfew 
Many parents set a time their daughters need to be home. In the Philippines people usually go to bed earlier, 8:00 to 9:00 p.m. is usually considered getting late.It’s wise to ask the lady what time she has to be home. The parents may also not feel comfortable about their daughter going back to your hotel at night time

Not Alone 
As I mentioned earlier, they usually will come with a chaperone. They may especially be reluctant to go inside your hotel room alone. This is because some people tend to gossip. In the Philippines the community is a lot more close knit, and people generally know each other in the same neighborhood. So there is a lot of peer pressure not to appear like you’re doing something wrong. For example: if a woman has a child out of wedlock it is looked down upon, and she is made to feel like an outcast. It’s very important to understand about this social pressure.

Parent Authority 
Ladies usually have to ask permission from their parents before they can go out with someone, and are subject to the 3rd degree before it is granted. The age of the singlelady does not seem to come into it if they are living at home. She will also need to provide details of where you are going, with whom and what time she will be brought back.

Kissing 
On the first date kissing is TABOO. My advice is just let things happen naturally. Don’t try to force anything.

Don’t go side ways 
I tried it when courting my wife. I tried to find out through friends or relatives whether she was interested. They expect you to be man enough yourself to ask them direct. It’s part of being a man.

Not in Public 
Usually even husbands and wives do not participate in any sort of intimate kissing or hugging in public, let alone a boyfriend and girlfriend. It’s considered a more private act.

Parent approval 
If you are both getting serious about the relationship it is customary for the man to mention his courtship intentions and ask for the parent’s permission or approval.

Be Patient 
Remember most of these ladies have never had much experience in relationships. Theyare often shy and need the man to show leadership. In other words you are the one to do he asking, planning, suggesting, decision making etc. They feel it is more your role. You will often hear them say it’s up to you. However you should be sensitive to their reactions and take their likes and dislikes into consideration.

Compatibility 
Naturally with any marriage relationship it is important that 2 people have common interests and are compatible. With this in mind I would like to mention 2 points that need to be considered:

1) Even though ladies may come from the provinces it does not mean they are isolated from people and friends. In fact they mostly live in villages where houses are very close together and communities are closer knit, where they mingle a lot with each other. This may cause a problem if you bring them into a very isolated situation where they have no friends. Filipino ladies generally like doing things, and so if they are in an isolated situation with nothing to do as well as no friends they may get very bored and depressed.

2) Filipino ladies like to help their families. This may take the form of sending money to their family at Christmas time or for example there is an emergency medical situation. Sometimes they may be asked by their parents if they would be able to contribute towards the education of a brother or sister or nephew or niece. However, it must be considered that the Australian dollar spreads a lot further over there. Also they are not expected to contribute if they can’t afford it, having to take care of their own family expenses.

Having mentioned these things, most Filipino ladies like to work for a while when they get married. I recommend that they do because it takes the pressure of the husband if there is some kind of medical emergency with their family in the Philippines when there is pressure on them to help financially. My wife worked for a couple of years before she had a baby, and it seemed to do her good and get it out of her system She was also able to help her family which made her happy. This is all part of the reason they love you also because you allow them to do it and have given them opportunities over here which they would not have had in the Philippines. Also, because of this sharing attitude, they often share in your expenses as well.

Finally 
If you can survive through all this, you then ask her to marry you and give her an engagement ring.

Who Pays for Wedding 
You – this will include transportation for relatives etc. Don’t worry its a lot cheaper in the Philippines compared to getting married over here $4000 would probably cover it in the Provinces, including wedding dress, cake, hire suits and dresses for brides maids, bride car hire, transportation for relatives, church expenses, reception etc. In the city areas weddings are more expensive and could about $5000 or more. It’s very important to make sure you are thoroughly prepared to cover all costs, because they expect you to be financially prepared before you ask them to marry.

SUMMARY 
1) Generally the culture in Philippines is more conservative.
2) They are often under pressure from relatives.
3) They are also very conscious of what people around them are thinking about their behavior.
4) It’s mostly a non-romantic courtship until they have decided you are the one. However, sometimes they decide quickly which makes it easier.
5) The lady is under the parent’s authority even though in her 20’s.
6) They like to mingle
7) Part of the reason for marrying a foreigner is so they can help their families.
8) Finally – try to understand her circumstances, be patient and generally go with the flow.

Remember you are a stranger in there country and you need to understand and respect their culture.

Good luck!